My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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