It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
