Where did you get a picture of my penis
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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