Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
