my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
