it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
