Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
50% drunk capacity currently
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
