i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize