you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
