Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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