I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
