She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
