What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
