it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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