You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize