The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
