yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
