We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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