Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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