Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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