dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
