Christians are straight up FREAKS
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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