its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
