Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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