i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
