I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
