im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
