I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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