i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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