So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
