Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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