Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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