I think i peed on brittanys purse
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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