I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize