whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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