You're a womanizer and a bitch.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
