whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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