just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
