i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize