i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
