So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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