thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I touched a dick in church today
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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