well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
