Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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