Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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