I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
