I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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