We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
