Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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