dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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