you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize