I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
