We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
