no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
