There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
