if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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