just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
