you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
