I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
