you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
