went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
