So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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