I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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