this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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