Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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