I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
