I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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