Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
