he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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